And well...you know the rest of that NSync song :) Tomorrow morning I am going in for an ultrasound just to double-check everything is ok (and cough another initial payment of $300) and then I will begin another round of fertility treatments. I will be doing the same treatment as I did in April. Taking Femara days 3-7, ultrasound day 14 followed by HcG shot if it looks good and then using Crinone for 2 weeks. The nurse today stated that Dr. Reuter will allow me to do this treatment cycle for 3 times, so maybe number 2 will work???
I'm much less angry than I was the last time I posted. I have moments, today it's been a little depression. I feel like this month, I don't want to get my hopes up. I felt like I tried to do that last month, but you can't help but get your hopes up when it comes to this subject.
I have started doing Nia twice a week. I can't recall if I mentioned this in my other posts. It's workout class that is a mix of martial arts, dance arts, and yoga type moves. Twice a week for an hour and it really gets me sweating and my heart pumping. But it's not too intense, so I can still do it when I do get pregnant, which will be important for me to do.
At this point, I have been trying to imagine what a life without children would be like, as in, could I do it? I have an AMAZING marriage which I attribute to an amazing husband. I can't help but say that since our 3rd anniversary is on Wednesday :) My hubby has said time and time again that he knew we would struggle with having children, as I've known for years what my problems will be. And he says, that with or without kids...he's sticking by my side. How did I get so lucky? It really does make me feel better. And ask that becomes more and more of a likely reality, I try to imagine what our lives will be like. I guess it wouldn't be horrible, we'd probably be able to continue to have a nice life, with material objects, be able to continue traveling and of course we have nieces to keep us entertained in other areas. You might think it would sound drastic to think this way, but I'm a planner. I like to prepare myself for the worst case scenario, which would be no kids.
Anyways, before I get too Debbie Downer on myself, I will keep focused on the task at hand and taking care of my body for this round of treatment.
One thing I need to learn to do is eliminating stress. I have a relatively stressful job (depends on the day) but I think I need to learn ways to not let it get to my core and to let it roll off. It's hard when you're passionate about what you do, but I know I HAVE to do it to make this happen. The doctor has continuously lectured me on lessening my stressload. So forgive me if I seem less focused on talking to a lot of you. I'm a fixer, so if you come to me with your problems, I'm going to stress myself out and want to fix it. I have been taking a lot of time for myself, getting monthly massages to help reduce tension, have more quiet time at home when i'm alone (like no TV or music on). It's been really good for me to self-reflect.
I'll post later if the doc changes any course of treatment this month. Here's to round 2!
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